This is an all-over-the-place list of thoughts and lessons I’ve learned over this past year.
- There are times when you may express gratitude for a moment that you are genuinely grateful for. That gratitude may not be believed as “enough”. It is not my job to convince people that I’m grateful for them. Once I have spoken words of thankfulness or appreciation, it is the listener’s choice to believe and assess how much they believe them.
- Speaking of convincing people, it is not my job to convince people I am enough…of anything..
- It is not my job to convince people I am good.
- It is not my job to convince people I am worthy.
- It is not my job to convince people I am human or that I matter (more on that later).
- Never allow people to define you with words that do not align with who you have been created to be. There are moments in life when people notice genuine flaws you may have and attempt to verbally define you by those flaws accordingly. Words carry power. Be careful with allowing people to speak freely to you, about you, in a negative manner.
- It is important to surround yourself with people and situations that communicate you are enough (in verbal and non-verbal ways). Your time should not be dominated by people or situations that somehow convince you otherwise. (We all have our moments throughout the day where we feel like we may not be good enough. If your day is dominated by these moments, take a look at your situation and figure out what needs to be removed or adjusted into a lesser role in your life.)
- Forgiveness is a skill that must be practiced daily. You may find yourself forgiving the same person for the same act(s) repeatedly. Do it anyway. Each time, it’s for your own soul’s freedom.
- Black Lives Matter. However, if you’re adult and white, it is not my job to convince you of that. Contrary to every liberal belief, I am not here to educate you on my worthiness. I am no longer in the business of explaining my humanity as a black being to you. In addition, I am currently no longer in the business of explaining the overall humanity of black beings to you. I am “dialogued” the fuck out. I mean this with all love.
- Love freely.
- Women are the most powerful creatures on this Earth.
- Love is the strongest emotion a human can demonstrate. All other emotions are encompassed within love. Joy, pain, sadness, forgiveness, heartbreak, ecstasy.
- It’s important to unpack your pain. Try to discover its root.
- I’m supposed to be alive.
- Our negative and positive experiences are mostly a reflection of the energies we have allowed to enter our lives.
- Through my work, I have learned the impact of trauma and how it permeates throughout the rest of our life.
These are newer lessons learned. Yet, for the most part, this year was about re-learning lessons that I thought I mastered. As tempting as it is to beat myself up for having to re-learn lessons I thought I already knew, it seems more profitable to just accept them.
2017 was my most stressful year yet. I witness touching, yet heartbreaking stories, everyday through my work at the children’s shelter. I have reconnected with my mother and thus re-opened wounds that I’ve avoided for my entire adult life. I’ve attempted dating again and realized I still suck at it. I’ve watched as distant friendships become more distant. I stumble through creating new ones. I’ve discovered some dope podcasts. I’ve realized I wouldn’t mind creating a podcast. I partied. I drank lots of wine. I exercised. I gained weight. I grew my hair. I avoided paying student loans…then drank some more wine. I spent a year with no president. (I guess I might have 3 more years with no president). I’ve watched the Harry Potter series so many…many..many times. I got a primary care provider. I’ve maintained health insurance for another year..(ow-ow!). I set up my Christmas tree a week before Christmas. (I probably won’t take it down until March). I’ve struggled with my mental health worse this year than I ever have any year. I’ve rediscovered my love for reading. I’ve rediscovered my love for writing.
2017 was a bit of a whirlwind that I’m ready to slow down. I don’t have a list of resolutions this year but I do have an overall vision of simplifying life. There will more traveling, more friends and more love.